I have this amazing knack for letting the wrong ones in and keeping the right ones out (that Aerosmith lyric was written about me, I swear it). My biggest problem is that even with all the bad that I've seen that the wrong that's been done to me, I still see things through rose colored glasses and see the good in people. Yeah, I see them for who they really are, but I have a gift for seeing their potential, what they could be, so I ignore what's right in front of me and continue looking through my rose colored glasses. Because, let's face it, rose is a prettier color than reality.Some people call it a gift and say that after everything I've been through that it's great that I can still do that. I'm starting to see it as a curse. My kindness is being taken for weakness and to be perfectly honest, it hurts. So, I'm on a quest on how to still be kind but not be seen as a target or stupid. I am a lot of things, but stupid isn't on the top of the list. I will keep you posted on how that goes, because honestly, I have no idea where to start. LOL.
But there is one thing I do know. This gift/curse works in my favor at because I have some of the best people in my inner circle that I could ever ask for. Even when I push them away and I swear that they're wrong this time, they pick up the phone when I call crying and they resist the temptation to tell me I told you so. My friends know me better than I think I really give them credit for. They know when to leave me alone and when to come pushing through the door and make me deal with them, even if I don't want to.
I've been going through some pretty hard things lately, with leaving one label, and then starting my own. Along with a few other things. Those "few other things" had me questioning loyalty and that was one thing you should never have to do with your inner circle. You should just know. I was so skeptical about everything around me, I almost didn't let someone new in. Luckily, she figured out how to deal with me and just handled the situation, because honestly, at this point, I'd be lost without her.When things got crazy and I didn't want to see what was right in front of me, my friends pulled the rose colored glasses off me and made me see reality. Not because they're mean, but because it's better for me. And when the smoke cleared and the dust settled, my real ride or dies were still standing. I have had to go to a few of them a day just to stay standing at times, but because they are true friends, they don't mind. They haven't judged my situation and told me to knock it off when I judged it.
I've learned a few things about friends/people/life lately:
1. For the love of cheesecake, when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME (if you never learn anything else from my blog or my books again, PLEASE let this be the one thing you do take away).
2. Not all people are good.
3. Not all people are bad.
4. Not all people deserve second chances.
5. If they didn't deserve a second chance, they don't deserve a third, fourth or fifth.
6. It is okay to cut people out of your life and you don't have to do it with dramatic fanfare.
7. Friends don't say what you want to hear. Friends say what you need to hear.
8. With your real friends? You can have disagreements and even arguments but at the end of the day, ya'll still love each other so again with no need for dramatic fanfare.
These are very important lessons that I will take with me as I move forward in my journey to become a better me in hopes that I will also become a better friend (Better friend, yes. Any less stubborn or bull headed - probably not. Sorry inner circle, there's only so much changing a girl can do at one time).
