True Friendship

True friendship is a rare jewel these days. I'm not talking about the people you hang out with at the bar or talk to everyday on Facebook. I'm talking the ones that are the first ones to show up when the chips are down or celebrate your successes like they were their own. Loyalty is almost extinct these days. It seems as if most people just want what they can get from you and then they keep it pushing. And my favorite is when they get butt hurt when you get hip to their plan and you cut it off at the pass.

So when you find that one truly loyal friend, or if you're lucky - that group of friends, hold on to that. For whatever reason, people make mistakes in judgment, and Keep the wrong ones in and the right ones out.

I am guilty of that. I listened to the wrong people, even though internally I knew better. And I walked away from someone who had my back for the better part of 20 years, thinking that I didn't know her after all. It took a random run in with one of her friends to tell me what I already knew.

I missed almost a year with one of the most loyal, ride or die best friends I have because of foolish pride. I will never get that time back, but because of the bond we have she forgave me and we're moving forward. Because that's what happens with a true friendship. You may have your ups and downs but you work through it because you love each other like sisters. There's no time for pettiness, cat fights and Mel Rose Place drama because life is too short and we have too many dreams and aspirations to help each other hit to worry about the small stuff.

When you find out who your friends are

I have this amazing knack for letting the wrong ones in and keeping the right ones out (that Aerosmith lyric was written about me, I swear it). My biggest problem is that even with all the bad that I've seen that the wrong that's been done to me, I still see things through rose colored glasses and see the good in people. Yeah, I see them for who they really are, but I have a gift for seeing their potential, what they could be, so I ignore what's right in front of me and continue looking through my rose colored glasses. Because, let's face it, rose is a prettier color than reality.

Some people call it a gift and say that after everything I've been through that it's great that I can still do that. I'm starting to see it as a curse. My kindness is being taken for weakness and to be perfectly honest, it hurts. So, I'm on a quest on how to still be kind but not be seen as a target or stupid. I am a lot of things, but stupid isn't on the top of the list. I will keep you posted on how that goes, because honestly, I have no idea where to start. LOL.

But there is one thing I do know. This gift/curse works in my favor at because I have some of the best people in my inner circle that I could ever ask for. Even when I push them away and I swear that they're wrong this time, they pick up the phone when I call crying and they resist the temptation to tell me I told you so. My friends know me better than I think I really give them credit for. They know when to leave me alone and when to come pushing through the door and make me deal with them, even if I don't want to.

I've been going through some pretty hard things lately, with leaving one label, and then starting my own. Along with a few other things. Those "few other things" had me questioning loyalty and that was one thing you should never have to do with your inner circle. You should just know. I was so skeptical about everything around me, I almost didn't let someone new in. Luckily, she figured out how to deal with me and just handled the situation, because honestly, at this point, I'd be lost without her.

When things got crazy and I didn't want to see what was right in front of me, my friends pulled the rose colored glasses off me and made me see reality. Not because they're mean, but because it's better for me. And when the smoke cleared and the dust settled, my real ride or dies were still standing. I have had to go to a few of them a day just to stay standing at times, but because they are true friends, they don't mind. They haven't judged my situation and told me to knock it off when I judged it.

I've learned a few things about friends/people/life lately:

1. For the love of cheesecake, when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME (if you never learn anything else from my blog or my books again, PLEASE let this be the one thing you do take away).

2. Not all people are good.

3. Not all people are bad.

4. Not all people deserve second chances.

5. If they didn't deserve a second chance, they don't deserve a third, fourth or fifth.

6. It is okay to cut people out of your life and you don't have to do it with dramatic fanfare.

7. Friends don't say what you want to hear. Friends say what you need to hear.

8. With your real friends? You can have disagreements and even arguments but at the end of the day, ya'll still love each other so again with no need for dramatic fanfare.

These are very important lessons that I will take with me as I move forward in my journey to become a better me in hopes that I will also become a better friend (Better friend, yes. Any less stubborn or bull headed - probably not. Sorry inner circle, there's only so much changing a girl can do at one time).

To live healthy, you have to have healthy friends

To continue our discussion on how to get healthy, let's talk about the company we keep. What do the people around you have to do with whether you have a healthy life you ask? Honestly? More than you realize. Not everyone wants to see you succeed. They're so miserable with their lives that rather than follow your example and do something constructive and positive, they'd rather tear you down and bring you down to their level. Misery truly loves company.

In the last year, I've learned that even if they're in your boat, they may not be rowing with you. Instead, they're drilling holes in your boat because they don't want to feel like you're out doing them. It is impossible to stay in a positive frame of mind for long when you're around Negative Nancy's on a regular basis.

Let me back up. I'm not saying that everybody is out to get you. Some people are just stuck and don't know how to get themselves on the right track. We love them from a distance and do our own thing. Try to help them but they are the only ones that can make the necessary changes to be more positive. And getting out of that rut is hard. Especially if the people around you are in the same space. Surround yourself with like minded people. They will understand where you're coming from and encourage you when you get discouraged. And you will. Because life is hard. But you're more likely to bounce back faster if you have someone telling you "this is going to pass", "you so got this" than if they're encouraging you to do things contrary to your goals.

Here's the thing. Like minded people tend to flock to each other. Your unmotivated friends will start to back off you once you start doing better for yourself and that's fine. They're doing you a favor. And that's not saying that you don't love them or that you don't have fun with them, but if they aren't on the same path you're on, then it may be a good idea to find people that are.

Life is too short to not be happy. And part of living a healthy lifestyle is trying to be as happy as possible. Can you be happy all of the time? No. But being treated like you're doing something wrong because you're doing something positive with your life isn't something you have time for. Neither is being used for what you've acquired.

You're worth more than that. And it's time to start tightening up the friend's circle and only deal with people that see that.

Once you cut the fat, so to speak, you'll be amazed at how you feel. And how much easier it is to stay on task and get things done.

I totally sound like a scolding parent. LOL. I just know about this one from personal experience, so I know about the ten pound weight that is lifted once you cut toxic people loose. And it's not because you're better than they are. You just want different things now and that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to explain yourself to them or anybody else. You just want to be happier. And there's no shame in that.