Real relationships do exist!

Contrary to popular belief, real relationships do exist. I am getting sick and tired of this notion of “all men/women ain’t shit” just because of one or even a slew of relationships. If you’re attracting the same type of person, it’s time to look at what the common denominator is… and that’s you. You can’t attract foxes with skunk bait, so maybe, it’s time to work on whatever is wrong with you that keeps getting into these toxic relationships.

No, I’m not saying you’re toxic. I’m saying that there’s something in you that is settling for those types of relationships. Let’s go over a few rules (ya’ll know I like my lists, you aren’t that new):

1.     

            If they make you cry, tell them by. A good friend of mine said this to me the other day, and it’s changed how I’m handling things. Your mate should never make you sad to the point where you’re crying. Happy tears, yes. Heartbroken tears, no. ESPECIALLY, in the first six months when in the honey moon period. If you’re fighting and crying within the first couple of weeks, let this be a huge red flag.

2.       

     The need to go through their phone. There shouldn’t be one. Not only should you not be insecure enough to want to scroll through his contacts and his messages, but he shouldn’t be giving you reason to do it. Not only is this a privacy issue, but it’s about trust as well. If you don’t trust him, because of past relationships, that’s one thing. But if he’s giving you reasons not to trust him, that’s another.

3.     

           Relationships are about give and take. If you’re the one always giving, and he’s the one always taking, then that’s something you need to look at. You shouldn’t have to break your bank just to keep him. You shouldn’t need to drop what you’re doing just to please him. It’s one thing if you’re not busy, but it’s okay to not be around him every second. And there should be enough respect there that he’s good with letting you get your things done first before spending time with him.

4.       

     Just say no to the emotional blackmail. There should be no “If you really love me” or “remember that time when you…” There should be no hoops to jump through to prove your loyalty or how much you love somebody. They should just know. And if you’re doing everything in your power to show them, then the problem is with them, and not you. I hear (and see) all these quotes about how sometimes love hurts. Uh, no. Love Is supposed to grow you and fulfill you, not break you down and make you feel bad about yourself.

Taking care of yourself is a huge key in getting into the right kind of relationship. Get good with being alone. I know, I know, it’s scary and it sucks. I totally get that. However, once you become okay with being single and become okay with you, you will be amazed at how the caliber of people you attract changes.

1.       Know your worth. Know that you are worth more than what has been thrown at you. It’s okay to not get in a relationship with the first guy that buys you dinner. It’s okay to make them prove that they are worthy of your time. I’m not saying string them along, but let them show you that they want to be around and they have what it takes to stick around. You have to love you before anybody else will.

2.       Let them chase you. No, this doesn’t mean play hard to get. If they’re calling you regularly and showing effort, then by all means, do the same. If a man wants you, they will make the time to call and see you, even if they can only spare a few minutes. If you’re the one calling and you’re the one chasing, like the book says, “he’s just not that into you”. And you know what? That’s okay. Because there’s someone out there that will be.

3.       Figure out what your values are. What’s important to you? What do you want in a relationship? What don’t you want? What will you compromise and what won’t you compromise on? Write these lists down, in great detail and then keep them somewhere close so you can look at them often.  

Relationships are work, but the right ones are worth it. The detective work is figuring out which ones are. And don’t settle for less. You’re worth more than that. Ain’t nobody got time to constantly be feeling like crap. And the right person won’t stand for it.