To be healthy, you have to think healthy.

So let's think about the title to this post for a minute. To be healthy, you have to think healthy. Now of course, you could have the most positive self talk in the known universe and if you eat Big Macs twice a day, you're not going to be healthy. On the opposite side of that coin, you could have the body of Jillian Michaels and if your self talk is completely negative, then you're just going to be hate in a smaller package.

But then again, if your self talk is negative, it's going to be hard to do the work that it takes to look like Jillian Michaels. Simply because you don't think you deserve it. And here's the thing. It's 2015. It's already March, which means we're a quarter into the year. Ain't nobody got time to still be thinking bad of themselves and not do anything about it.

So over the next several Wednesdays, we're going to discuss ways to increase your positive self talk and the way you feel about yourself.

First Topic: Assess Your Inner Circle


And really, I don't just mean your besties. I also include people that you keep in regular contact with. Just because they're in your boat, doesn't mean that they're rowing with you. They could be there specifically to drill holes in the bottom. It is hard to stay positive when you have Negative Nancy's constantly talking about how hard and bad life is. That, is a given. But we have to figure out how to live instead of just surviving.

Let’s break down the negative people into categories and then talk about how to deal with them one by one. There’s 3 types of people that tend to try to get in our heads. The nay sayers, the haters and the miserable people.

The Nay Sayers

 We all have those people in our lives. The ones that think that they can live our lives better than we can (meanwhile, their lives are going to hell in a hand basket).

            Have you messed up? Uh, yeah. We all have. Should you have listened to your parents and not dated the loser that you spent two years with? Looking back now, probably.

            But that doesn’t mean that A. Anybody has a right to judge you for it or B. That you need to make their opinions your facts.

            All you can do is learn from your mistakes and move on. But that’s just it. They are your mistakes. As long as you’re happy with the choices you’ve made to get passed certain phases in your life, then let people say what they’re going to say.

            You can’t stop them from trying to tell you how to live your life. People have a right to their opinions. But, you do have a choice on whether you listen or not.

            A lot of them, at least in this category, think that they’re trying to help. It’s the whole “from the outside looking in” cliché. Sometimes, they do have good ideas and good advice. So sift through what they say and take the nuggets of wisdom that they drop and leave the rest behind. Then thank them for their advice and move on.

The Haters

I used to cry about people being mean just for the sake of being mean. Or try to people please so people wouldn’t like me. Then an ex said something to me that I now claim as my own. “If you don’t have haters, you ain’t doin’ it right.”

People want what they don’t have. So if they’re “hating” on you, then they’re jealous of something you’ve got or you’re doing. Instead of getting upset, just continue what you’re doing.

In recent months, I’ve learned something very valuable. The issues that they have with you, very rarely have anything to do with you. It’s something within them that they feel the need to lash out or judge you based on what they think they know. The unfortunate thing, is that once they’ve made their mind up about you, there is nothing that you can do to change it for them. They’re going to judge you, hate on you, think of you anyway they want to, despite your best efforts of trying to show them a different view.

Not everybody is going to like you and that’s okay. It’s certainly their right to miss out on the experiences they would have if they got to know you. Because if they’re that closed minded, then you don’t really want them around you anyway.

Do not, under any circumstances let them knock you off of your square. That’s what they are trying to do so they can feel better about themselves.  The best way to handle the haters is to not allow them on your radar. Engaging with them in a war of words or a Facebook gangster post is giving them more attention and energy than they deserve. The best way to deal with them is to take them completely off your radar. Put your blinders on and keep moving towards your goal.

The Miserable People

            These people have made it their life’s mission to be miserable. They are unhappy about some aspect of their lives and they are bound and determined to take those around them down with the ship.

            You know the type, the ones that suck the joy out of the room when they walk in the room. Or as I call them, Eeyore on downers. They can’t find one positive thing to tell you about what’s going on and if you can, they find some way to discredit that.

            Unfortunately, there is only so much you can do to help these people. They have to do it for themselves and a lot of times, they don’t think they can. Change is super hard. You can want it for someone but the only way they’re going to change is if they want to.

            There is a subcategory of miserable people that you have to watch out for. These are your users and your mooches. They are severely unhappy that you’re happy and they will do what they have to do to have your happiness. This includes using you for your money and the things they think you have that will make them happy.

            They prey on people that are kindhearted and that willingly do what they can to help people. Helping people is one thing. Allowing them to bleed you dry is another. These people mean you nothing but harm and need to be cut out completely. They will continue to take from you for as long as you let them.

            There is a fourth group of people that we need to discuss. It is just as important to define this next group so you know who to trust.

The Inner Circle

These are the people that you know you can call in the middle of the night. The ones that will be on your door step with ice cream, two spoons and a shoulder to cry on before you even hang up the phone.

And I’m not talking about the people that you would do that for. I’m talking about the one’s that would reciprocate for you without having to be asked.

They’re important to keep around because they’ll be the first ones to tell you if you’ve got negativity sniffing around you before you can even see it. Then they’ll not only tell you how to get rid of it but they’ll help you do it.

Once you know who is who - it's easier to know who to put next to you in the car ride we call live. Your true inner circle will pick you up, dust you off and keep you on the path that you need to be on. And the real test of who is in your corner is when you stay down. I have a handful of people that lovingly give me a reality smack and tell me to stop my crap because I'm better than that. 

Getting on the positivity trail is hard and takes a lot of work. But it's easier to travel when you're hearing "you can do it", "you're worth it" versus "you're never going to accomplish it, why bother."

Next week we'll talk more about what positive self talk is and how you do it. :-)